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Appaloosa
Category Epic/Historic
Year: 2008
Time: 115 minutes
Production: New Line Cinema
Director: Ed Harris
Cast:
Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen, Jeremy Irons, Renee Zellwegger, Timothy Spall
MPAA R / UK15
Our Rating 2/10 - About as bad as it's title
Watchability 1/10 - More suspense in my fridge
Contributed by Jordan Taylor
Tag-line Feelings get you killed.
 
Plot:

Back in the Wild West, men belonging to a wealthy landowner called Bragg (Jeremy Irons) have been terrorizing a local town, so the town officials led by Timothy Spall have hired two infamous gun-hands Virgil Cole (Ed Harris) and his friend Everett Hitch (Viggo Mortensen) to bring justice back to their streets.

 
So, how does it end?

 Bragg is sentenced by the judge to be hanged, but while travelling on a train with Cole and the men, they stop at a water station and Bishop from Aliens is waiting for them with his gun on Mrs French.
  For no reason they give up Bragg and the train takes the lawmen away. They return, and of couse Zellweger hasn't been left behind. Cole follows on foot, while Hitch has more brains and goes back first for some horses, before soon catching him up.

They track Bragg and the others to a plain, where Allie the man-eater is getting it on with them, and watch as a band of Indian braves race onto the scene to take her away.
  They defend their enemies, and settle a peace with the Indians by giving them a horse in return for one they shot earlier.
  They travel to the next town, and there is a shootout with the two brothers that kidnapped Bragg, and the two heroes.  Everyone is shot, the two brothers die, Bragg escapes on a horse.

Later Cole and Hitch return to the town with Allie.  In time, Bragg returns as a reformed man - and with a pardon direct from the President as well.  Bragg buys the hotel and seems to have changed his ways, but is not forgiven by the two lawmen.
  Hitch feels he must leave, and it seems that Bragg is going to either fire Cole from his position as town sheriff or have him killed - so he walks into the hotel, slaps him around a little and calls him outside for a duel.

Bragg walks outside. Hitch shoots him dead.

Hitch gets on a horse and rides off west into the sunset.

 
Comments

'Feelings get you killed'?  And so might sitting through this movie if you're prone to losing the will to live.

Absolutely no suspense at all.  Not when its the night before the court date and people are worried that Bragg's men might try something - or when they make their way to the trial.  Or when they are stalked by Indians (they settle it as quickly as they can).  Or even the final battle scene.  Anything to do with the movie really.

A good one to watch if you have a dicky ticker.

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