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Ted
Category Comedy , Indie
Year: 2012
Time: 106 minutes
Production: Universal Pictures
Director: Seth MacFarlane
Cast:
Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Mila Kunis, Patrick Stewart, Giovanni Ribisi, Sam J. Jones
MPAA R / UK15
Our Rating 5/10 - Some good one-liners, but as usual, nowhere near as good as the trailers edited it to look
Watchability 6/10 - Family Guy fans will adore it
 
Plot:

John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) was a lonely child who wished for a best friend and one Christmas his wish came true when his teddy bear comes to life.  Still best friends almost 30 years later, Ted has sailed the career of a Hollywood child-star and now wastes his life on drugs and daytime TV.  John soon has a decision to make -- to marry the girl he loves and give up on his best friend, or to hang out with Ted and risk losing the love of his life.

 
So, how does it end?

After Ted moves out and gets his own apartment, and a job at the grocers, Lori gives John another chance.  Lori invites John to a party thrown by her boss, Rex, and asks for this one favor that John goes along and sticks it out until the end of the night.

Rex takes John into an upstairs bar room where John threatens him to stay away from Lori, but Rex feigns surprise and swears he isn't trying to make a move.  Just then John receives a call from Ted -- he is having a party of his own, and none other than Sam J.Jones (Flash Gordon) has shown up. John races over, where they take drugs and party.  John loses track of time, and bumps into Lori as he is leaving.  She leaves him.  John blames it all on poor Ted.

Ted calls round the hotel room where John is staying to make amends, while John still blames Ted for everything, and they get into a huge fight, wrecking the room.

Ted is still a great friend and helps John to win Lori back. So they go to ruin Lori's date with her boss using help from Ted's old pal Norah Jones. John gets up on stage to sing the song from Octopussy, but the crowd hate it - and he is escorted away when he knocks out a guy trying to storm the stage. Lori was touched by the sentiment, and refuses to get a lift home from her dodgy boss.

Ted calls round Lori's apartment and apologises for everything. He just wants John to be happy - he tells Lori where to find him, and promises to leave their lives if she'll give him another chance.  A few moments after she leaves, Ted opens the door to find Donny, the weirdo, and his son, who kidnap Ted.

Lori goes to the diner to find John, who is finally mature enough to admit that he doesn't deserve her, and wishes her happiness in the future.  As he walks home, Lori drives alongside and asks him to get into the car.

Meanwhile Ted has been taken to Donny's creepy house, where he'll forever be a plaything for his son. Ted's ear is torn off when he swears, so to get a chance for freedom before things get worse he suggests a game of hide and seek.  Ted rummages around the house and manages to staple his ear together, and then find a phone to call John.

John finally answers the call from the Blocked number but doesn't know where to find Ted. The phone is switched off by Donny.  John remembers that he has the address from before, and they race over just in time to see Donny and his kid driving off with Ted.

They give chase and follow them to Fenway Park where they all break inside. The kid races towards John in a rage, who knocks him out cold. Ted tries to get away from Donny and climbs a floodlight tower. Already damaged from glass when he got out the damaged car, Donny pulls at Ted and tears him in half - Ted falls to the field with his stuffing everywhere.

John gets to his friend's side, just before the magic fades and he dies.  John takes the body home, and is devastated to have lost his best friend.

That night Lori goes to the window and makes a wish on a shooting star.

The next morning John sits next to his old friend again, when suddenly the magic falls on Ted and his friend is back -- Lori wished to have her old life back, which meant for Ted to be with them again.

John and Lori marry -- with Sam Jones as the priest and Ted as Best Man.  Ted is promoted again when he is caught in a compromising position with Tami-Lynn by his boss.  Rex gives up on Lori when she marries, falls into a deep depression, and dies from Lou Gehrig's disease. Sam Jones returns to Hollywood and shares an apartment with Brandon Routh. Donny was arrested for kidnapping Ted, but the charges were dropped.  His son hired a trainer ... and later becomes Taylor Lautner.

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