Category Comedy
Year: 2006
Time: 96 minutes
Production: BBC Films
Director: Woody Allen
Scarlett Johanssson, Woody Allen, Hugh Jackman, Ian McShane, Kevin McNally
MPAA PG-13 / UK12A
Our Rating 3/10
Watchability 2/10
Contributed by JT
Tag-line The perfect man. The perfect story. The perfect murder.

Journalist Joe Strombel (Ian McShane) has uncovered the 'scoop' of his life - the only slight problem being that he has recently died, and is a passenger on the Grim Reaper's ferry. He needs a fellow journalist to uncover the truth behind the rumour that Lord Lyman (Hugh Jackman) is the infamous Tarot Card killer ... and finds Sondra (Scarlett Johansson), a trainee journalist on a gap-year trip to London, while she is at a magic show. 

Splendini the magician (real name Sid -- Woody Allen) has invited Sondra up on stage when Joe makes his appearance. Now, Sondra needs Sid's help to track down the scoop that could make her famous - and catch the killer before more victims die.

So, how does it end?

The Tarot Card killer is caught by the police, and owns up to the murders.

Sondra goes to Peter's holiday home for a romantic weekend, assuming now that he is completely innocent. Sid is not convinced, and is still hung up on the envelope-clue that he found in Peter's house addressed to 'Betty G' - the name of the last prostitute who was murdered.

Peter owns up to Sondra that he was in London on the day he was meant to be out of the country, but it was for a top-secret business meeting. Sondra laughs it off, and all is good.

Sid returns to Peter's house, and lies to get past the housekeeper and uses the same code to get inside the secret music room again. This time under the French horn is a key (I know, after hiding the cards there before, you think he would find a better hiding place). Sid is caught by the housekeeper, and quickly leaves. The housekeeper phones Peter to warn him.

Sid also calls Sondra to warn her. Peter listens in to the conversation from another room. Sid tells her that he is going to check if the key opens the apartment. Sondra doesn't believe him.

Peter takes Sondra out to the lake on a row boat.

Sid makes it to Betty's apartment -- and the key fits! He gets into his little car and races over to save Sondra, terrified behind the wheel.

On the lake, Peter confesses that he knew Betty G -- she was a prostitute that he visited, and she blackmailed him. When he saw that there was a killer on the loose, he grabbed his chance and decided to frame him for her murder. He then wrestles with Sondra and pushes her overboard. As she goes under the water he rows back and kicks away the boat.

After drying himself, he phones the police to report the accident - that he thinks Sondra may have drowned.

The police show up -- but so does Sondra, still wet. As it turns out, she was a champion swimmer back at school. The game is up, and Peter is arrested.

Meanwhile, Sid didn't make it. He crashed on the way to rescue Sondra, and is on the Grim Reaper's ferry, where he starts to do his magic trick routine again to the other passengers.


Die-Hard Woody Allen fans are going to love this.  The rest of us are not going to give much more than the occasional smile at the comedy scenes. Don't get me wrong - it's actually weirdly watchable the first time round, and it's a quirky movie that I can see making into someone's Top 10 (probably on the condition that it reminds them of something else, or they saw it on a first date with the love of their life or ... you get the idea). But for 99.9% of us it's not something to buy on DVD ... or want to watch ever again!

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