""The Ruthless King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) leads his bloodthirsty army on a murderous rampage across Greece to find a deadly weapon that will destroy humanity. A mortal chosen by Zeus named Theseus (Henry Cavill) must lead the fight against Hyperion and his evil army with the fate of mankind and the gods at stake.""
Our Rating: 6/10 - Maybe more on a good day
Watchability: 7/10 - Actually a pretty good cast, but difficult to see what's going on at times!
Tagline: The Gods Need a Hero
- Country: USA
- Language: English | Greek
- Runtime: 150
- Budget: $75,000,000
- Revenue: $83,504,017
- Production: Relativity Media
Theseus returns back to his village to bury his mother in the labyrinth tomb of their ancestors, and while down in the darkness stumbles upon a mound of unchiselled rock in the finely marbelled catacomb that no one has seemed to touch yet. He picks away at it until he recovers the Epirus bow ... when suddenly it is knocked out of his hands by some type of a machete, flung through the air.
Theseus has been found by the man who has a thing for bulls, clearly a representation here of 'the minotaurNULL, and is flung around the tombs a little until he manages to stab his enemy in the leg with the meat cleaver, and then in the neck before he batters him around with a giant club. The beast-man is still not dead, so he slices off his head, and decides to carry it away as a memento.
Outside his friends have done a fairly poor job of looking out for Theseus, and are soon surrounded by Hyperion's men. Theseus follows another path out to a second exit, and then with the Epirus bow hires several magic 'Dungeons & Dragons' cartoon style arrows through the air to take out the bad guys. That night Phaedra sleeps with Theseus to stop her visions of the future.
They continue their journey to the Sybelline Monastery ... and another trap. This time the Monk can hear screams from the belly of a silver cow the enemy worship, and when they break it open see the burnt bodies of Phaedra's oracle friends. The Monk races off to fight against several men waiting for them, but the good guys don't do so well against a handful of bad guys ... until Ares shoots down from the heavens and takes them out. Athena also shows up with some horses to help their journey. A little hyena/wolf did manage to grab the bow, and sneaks off to find Hyperion.
Zeus shows up pretty angry and takes out Ares with a whip for helping the humans ... but allows them to use the horses to get to Tartarus.
Meanwhile, Hyperion's forces are camped out before the gates near the great mountain that holds the Titans - and now he has the bow. He hears that Theseus has beaten both traps, and asks the traitor for more info on his enemy.
Theseus, Stavros the thief and Phaedra enter the gates of the fortress surrounding the mountain, but no one will listen to them that Hyperion is to use the bow and wants war.
Hyperion sends an envoy to speak to Theseus ... although it is really Hyperion, hidden behind a mask. He asks Theseus to join with him - but Theseus of course refuses.
Next - it's time for war! The enemy line up - and Hyperion sends a monster shot of the bow straight into the locked gates of the battlement. The good guys run away back inside the fortress.
Theseus jumps up onto a ledge to tell them all to be brave. Most at the back probably can't hear him, but those who do are quickly inspired and beat their shields to the beat. Theseus leads them as they race towards the bad guys.
Hyperion ducks out of the fighting and finds a passageway to the top of the fortress, where he quickly disposes of the Hellenic commander. He breaks through a few walls, before he finds the cage holding the 4 x 5 rows of Titans (important to note that number).
Theseus is called out by the traitor, and quickly kills him. He then does what he couldn't just a day before and fights his way through hordes of bad guys, and then follows Hyperion ... but not in time to stop the King fire the bow to unleash the Titans. Everyone is knocked out by the explosion.
As he wakes the Titans are running around in circles, and get rid of Stavros his friend in a vicious attack. Zeus and 5 other gods show up, and tell Theseus to leave.
The gods, with better outfits and weapons, do well against the 20 Titans ... so well in fact that they manage to kill about 50 of them ( ??! ) in succession ... but somehow more keep coming (?????) and the gods start biting the dust.
Theseus catches up with Hyperion. As with all good-guy/bad-guy fights these days, the good guy is beaten and plays ""possum"" on the floor ... so the bad guy nonchalantly approaches to deliver the final blow -- until the good guy cheats and pulls out a dagger. Hyperion is only stabbed in the foot, but it's enough to give Theseus the upper hand to soon finish him off.
Zeus is getting sick of the fight so finds two chains holding the mountain together, and pulls them in to bring it all crashing down on the Titans still somehow remaining. Just in time he ""zips"" back out to Mount Olympus with an injured Athena ... and Theseus too before he is trapped by falling rocks.
The bad guys start to scatter but are engulfed by the crumbling mountain.
A few years later, Phaedra is serving the gods with her son - Theseus' legacy. Zeus, in John Hurt form, shows up to instruct the young boy who seems to be having visions of the future. He tells him that his father was a brave warrior - and right now is in the heavens getting ready for the big war against the Titans. Where do they all come from?!?!